Earning Your Second Chance

From YouTube's automatic captions, so a few words may be wrong.

00:00 Welcome back to the Body by Phil podcast. This is Phil. In today's episode, I'd like to entitle it earning your second chance. And what that means to me is what do we do with another chance we've been given. In my case, it was more than a second chance. It was more like a third or fourth chance at trying to get this life right. You know, in these podcasts, everything that I talk about is going to be in some way related to fitness, related to

00:31 addiction, related to obesity or impulse control issues because this is what I know. This is what I had to survive and and go through to change to get my second chance to earn my second and third and fourth chance to have a better, more improved, healthier life. And this chance for me has actually become not just a chance for me to improve, but almost a responsibility I feel to take these things that I've learned and not just keep them to myself

01:02 and say, "Wow, you know, I I survived. I conquered. I came out of this okay, but to show people how to survive, conquer, and be okay, too." because there's people out there and I know I was one of them that was absolutely lost and felt that the life that I had chose that the pitfalls that I had fallen into were just something that I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life that things really weren't going to get any better for me. I would have loved to have had the opportunity or maybe I wasn't ready sometimes, but to have

01:34 somebody sit me down or in or listen to something like this to show me that there was hope that my present me did not have to necessarily be my future me. So, that's what I want to talk a little bit about today. In case you're feeling any of these emotions or feel like you're stuck or feel like you're you're not happy with how things are going in your life, be it anything. I mean, I these principles for me are going to be related to fitness and food and and addictions, but these can pertain to

02:04 pretty much any problems that you're facing in your life. When I knew that it was time for a change, I needed to come out of this lifestyle of unhealthy eating and alcoholism and bad decision making that I was suffering with for over 20 years of my adult life. I knew that the change had to come, but I didn't know how to do it. So once I hired a personal trainer to help pave that way for me a little bit, it changed everything about my life. It started small, but it kind of dominoed or

02:38 snowballed. It started little and and eventually grew into a much much bigger purpose. This did not happen immediately. This this happened through time, patience, and a consistent effort to stay on target, to stay strong. Earning the second chance was just that for me. It wasn't going to be enough to just try it and and jump in kind of halfheartedly and hope for the best. I needed to not only trust the person that was going to help me. I had to believe in myself that

03:10 I was going to win this battle this time and not just be another failure, another thing that I attempted really kind of knowing that I wasn't going to finish. So that second chance for me when my trainer looked at me and said, "I'm going to help you, but you have a responsibility here, too. You have work to do. This this can't fall just on my lap entirely." Number one, to earn this second chance, I had to be ready.

03:41 I had to be present. And I had to do things when nobody was around, when nobody was watching. Just training with the trainer a day or two, which was all I could afford, was not going to be enough to get me to my goal. I was going to have to do stuff on my own. And he would set me up and help me with these things to do on my own. But the ultimate choice was going to be mine. And I knew that if I disappointed him or didn't show up or made excuses for why the scale was going

04:12 up and not down, saying, "Yeah, this is water weight," or, "Yeah, this is um, you know, my body hitting a plateau, or I'm gaining more muscle than fat, that's why uh the scale isn't dropping." These were all BS excuses. These aren't weren't going to work for him. He was trained and he knew better. So I knew that I had to really do the work because once I became a part of this new world of fitness and positive thinking and transformations and people that were cheering and supporting this was foreign

04:43 to me. Once I became a part of that I didn't want to leave it. I wanted to stay engaged in that sort of mentality because it was the first time in a very long time, 20 plus years, that I saw hope in coming out of a terrible situation that was completely 100% self-inflicted. It was my my choices that I made that led me to my current demise. And it was going to be those same well different choices that were going to be the only thing that was going to pull me out. Deciding to hire

05:15 somebody to help me was the first step. Just like an alcohol addiction recovery, saying that you have a problem for me was my first step. And these are the hardest steps to to make. These are massive ego checks where you say, "Okay, I'm not strong enough to do something on my own. I'm going to have to have help at least initially to get the ball rolling to get started." So once given that second chance, you earn the right to stay in that chance by being honest with yourself, being present in the

05:47 moment, by working yourself very very hard, by trusting people that say they're going to help you, that can help you, that will help you if you let them. Going back to the the thought of this becoming a responsibility, that second chance is your responsibility to say, "I've had enough." you know, you can't just want it and not really put in the work. It's not going to work that way. Um, replacing old bad habits with good ones. When I would do this, it kind of reminded me of

06:18 like a brick wall. And my at my darkest, at my rock bottom worst, I mean, I had been incarcerated. I had been shot, nearly killed. I didn't breathe many sober days. is I was drunk most of the time. If I was at work, I was hung over. Uh it was, you know, my life has spun into a vicious cycle of eating, drinking, being sick, being unhealthy, very little movement, and then repeat day in and day out for 20 plus years.

06:52 That's not sustainable. Something's going to give and first thing it's going to give is your mental state. And then your health is going to falter not long after it. Well, when you finally make that decision that you've had enough, and this comes at a different time for everybody, I think in my case, it had to be a near tragedy. Um, my life was in jeopardy. That was my turning point. And the the the time that I I knew that I had that moment of revelation where I knew that my current choices were were going to kill me that um if I wanted to

07:24 be around uh I needed to make a strong strong stance because of this new found world of hope and possibility that I found I didn't want to jeopardize that like I had jeopardized everything else and lose this opportunity because I didn't think I was going to have too many more. So going back to this brick wall of negativity, you know, I had a bunch of what I I vision in my head as being like black bricks in this wall. And each black brick represented alcohol, drugs,

07:54 laziness, depression, self-loathing, pity, anger, fear. And every time I would do something that was positive, I was taking out one of those black bricks and I was putting a nice shiny red one. I would take out fear and place in possibility. I would take out hatred and put in love. I would take out regret and fill it with attempt try. You notice when I say attempt and try because it wasn't always a success, but the the

08:25 attempt and the effort would ultimately lead to the success. But I was afraid to give it that effort. Making that first I need help was the most monumental effort. So you're replacing your old your bad habits with your new positive changes. And then all of a sudden this wall becomes almost like a a suit of armor and impenetrable force. You know, it's it's something that you you have done for yourself and you've taken those old negative things

08:57 that made you that bad person that you feel into something different. And this comes from hitting rock bottom. This comes from dark, dark moments and it also comes from somebody who can help you come out of it. This is a very very difficult thing to talk about. Putting myself out there like that and and drudge up all these old memories and these old patterns of um of behavior that was so destructive and not only

09:29 would it hurt me, but it would hurt people that were the closest to me. Um, you know, you look back now and you think of all the things you could have done differently. And it's kind of a double-edged sword for me because, yeah, I would have liked to have changed a lot of things of my past, but also my past has forged me into a much stronger person now to be able to take these life challenges and these trials and to turn them into positive things that I can actually help other people get through

10:01 their most trying days. I I think that you know personally I had to be uh at that rock bottom most vulnerable weakest um ugliest state in order to be able to uh do what I do uh today. So when you are given this second or third chance or whatever that it may be you have to first let go of everything that was behind you. All right? Because these things that are behind you are always going to try to pull you back. Even when

10:32 you are outside of that and you're your strongest, most positive, best version of you, these glimpses and these shadows of the past, you will always be there pulling at you and tugging at you to bring you back to the other side. But remember your brick wall. As long as you have more red bricks in that wall than black, you're strong. Don't replace and go back once you have those red bricks put into the wall. Go back to your old patterns and start replacing them with the black again because pretty soon that

11:03 wall will become uh breakable and you don't want to slip back once you've made these strides to change yourself and to be that best version of you. You deserve it. Don't let anybody tell you any different. It starts with a desire to change. You have to have the desire. The courage doesn't come with the desire to change. I think we all know in our heart when that time is right. The courage comes from taking the first step to make that real per first real change, reaching out for help. And once you find your circle,

11:36 once you find your purpose in your people around you, you have to earn to keep yourself inside of that circle. Because again, it's always going to be a struggle. You're going to be faced ultimately with a choice. You could either progress and move forward and and continue to be this positive you or you can slip back to the old ways. Nobody can make this decision for you. Talk is cheap in in transformation. We can talk about it and we can wish it all we want, but if you don't work for it, you won't get it. Getting your second chance in

12:07 life. Earn it. Don't throw it away. And [clears throat] keep that strong fight. You are strong enough. You're stronger than you think. And you are able to reach any goal you set your mind to if you have the right people in your corner and you have a strong will to win.